1. |
Golden
02:14
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house up on the hill dripping blood
looking over fields full of warm wet mud
cloud cover pink sorbet at sunset
dozens of frogs holding their breath
cicada symphonies impossible to ignore
and the seawater flowing from my shore
i sink until i'm covered to me knees
then you stopped holding onto me
but you were golden
you were the sun
my eyes betrayed me
when i came undone
i don't remember the last time we kissed
please don't let this be all there is
blossoming magnolias
smelling so sweet
dry in the heat
then fall
and rot at our feet
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2. |
Laundry Day
02:59
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dancing on sunday with a record on
spinning and spooling and pulling you close
i was raised impatient and angry
now i have nowhere to go
so let me be a fully loaded bookshelf
you can run your fingers over my spines
then pull gently outward and then replace
you'd prefer different ways on which to spend your time
i want to be a basket of laundry
i want to be a wrinkle in your bedsheets
let me be the silence of you gazing at the park
and let me fill the spaces of your heart
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3. |
||||
i stumble
through side roads and cobble
try not to die on an empty street
you found me
passed out in an alley
extended your hand, lifted me to my feet
eyes wide
you pull me inside
the heat of your arms, i was cold as death
i cried
god knows i tried
to thank you without you smelling my breath
anise, bitter blood orange,
juniper berries, and alcohol
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4. |
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i hate the way that you look at me
with your eyes all wistful like the summer breeze
bringing rain to my knows
when the flood's gonna come no one knows
i hate the way i can just talk to you
like nothing else matters but what we're going through
i drove for six hours and it didn't feel good
you said you were worried and damn well you should be
i'd pluck the sun out of the sky and swallow it whole
i wanna lose control
i used up every last ounce of hope
i poured it onto receipts and onto envelopes
and i meant it
every last word i wrote
i feel like an idiot, i don't feel so tough
john said a weekend in utah won't fix what's wrong with us
the gray sky was vast and real cryptic above me
i wanted to love you, wanted you to love me
i'd pluck the sun out of the sky and swallow it whole
i wanna lose control
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5. |
Railway Spike 2
03:30
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i feel a scream forming in my throat
like some long forgotten chimney all gummed up with creosote
and if someone tries to warm themselves with a newly burning glow
i think i will explode
this love i feel just won't stop
like the mushrooms on the forest floor that makes the dead things rot
my heart pushes against my ribs on a feeble growing stalk
i think my lungs are gonna pop
*
there will be murder and bloodshed
there will be flowers and sunsets
there will be forgiveness for all our debts
there will be railway spikes drive through my head
*
i feel a paint throbbing in my core
like the rhythm of the ocean along a northern rocky shore
it's the flood waters lapping and pounding at my door
i can't take it anymore
like the angels in the attic all drunk on holy wine
like the veteran in kansas lost his legs to a mine
like the tear gas constricting your breath and mine
i have to believe we will one day be alright
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6. |
Song for Cannibals
02:18
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snow capped mountains in the middle of july
every present shadows keeping them alive
ninety-five degrees and it feels alright
wind off the lake in the summertime
white flowers kicked up by the breeze
falling like snow
my heart is a cross off the highway
where the aspens grow
i was a pretty little bluebonnet tucked behind your ear
whispering my secrets whenever you could hear
i was growing on your windowsill fresh and green
nothing you could do could make me feel unclean
i would pounce like an animal
when we were alone
song titles in your notebook
music in my headphones
then it got cold and you went away
i threw out all the letters filled with things that I would say
i wish you were here, wish you were gone
i wish you'd walk in with your overalls on
i just wanna live in peace, grow, and thrive
but you make me feel like a cannibal
i wanna eat you alive
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7. |
Pretty Girl from Dallas
02:41
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fireflies in the air tonight
blowing in the wind
hot breeze rolls through dallas
stinging our sunburnt skin
the way your sweat pours
off of your forehead
you wipe it away with a flick of your wrist
and it salts fresh soil in the garden
smiling with our eyes
gasping for air as we run
an old man sits on his front porch
waiting for jesus to come
you lead me to a secret place
under a shady grove
we lie on our backs and gaze at the leaves
and the bluebirds nesting in droves
you roll onto me
your breath is hot on my lips
the moon hangs high over texas
the stars align when we kiss
let the rain come pouring down
and wash away the town
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8. |
8th of June
02:56
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he leads me out into the forest
on the eight of june
finding the source of the howling
in the silver strands of the moon
i aim straight for its chest
the beast he's tied to a tree
the flesh is strong and willing
but the spirit is weak
*
the well that holds my desire
runs pure and deep
but i no longer drink of its water
i am disgusted by me
*
he's shouting and grasping my shoulder
it's looking at me with its eyes all black
my finger slips on the trigger
there are some things you can't take back
i wish to cut away this anger
this love i want to lose
hunting for werewolves and demons
dreaming of you
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9. |
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nothings coming out right today,
i don't feel so great
insects in my arteries
anger in my veins
someone broke my salt circles
someone shattered all my swords
my heart is a stupid love song
made of 7th chords
no pride in my work
no reason to boast
but someone has to seal your house
and ward off the ghosts
no one holds me when i'm scared
no one buys me flowers anymore
my heart is a stupid love song
made of 7th chords
the spirits in your building are learning how to sing
good lord there's no telling all the pain that could bring
i just want to let you know i'm 60 bucks an hour
and every minute wasted they're accumulating power
Someone burn some incense
i smell of desperation and divorce
and my heart is a stupid love song
made of 7th chords
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10. |
Song for Judith
02:28
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bring your sword down through his neck
cut his head clean off
no more room for men like these
by the ashes of a once burning cross
carry it round in a basket
white hood stained bloody red
show if off for all to see
this age is going to end
bring your hammer and your gun
paint my nails all black
if you come for bethulia
there will be no going back
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11. |
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waiting around underground
in the desert all alone
holy water
dripping from the altar
lose stone
cracked bone
sitting on the dresser
falling to my knees, beg and plead
an angel's trumpet blares
bumble, falter
nothing to offer
wiry hair
skin as thin as the mountain air
in winter
i have everything i need
but i will wait
for you
to want me
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12. |
Bitter Love Song #3
02:38
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one more year then i'm gone
one more useless bitter love song
one more letter thrown away
i've exhausted every avenue of things that I would say to you
*
and everybody tells me that the pain will fade in time
i'd like to rip you straight out of my mind
*
talking to strangers on my phones
can't carry conversation on my own
my mind fogs over i can't win
and i lose focus
in the middle of every sentence
in a moment of weakness i pull out a picture frame
just to see your smiling face
and i wanna go home, but i am home
guess nothing good stays the same
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13. |
Having/Wanting
02:40
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lately i've been feeling like a child
lately i've been wanting to go wild
run around with my beard on fire
tear my skin in thorny briar
i've been dreaming of gooseflesh and hair
swirling syllables tie me to a chair
mouths wide open silver on my tongue
oh what torture to be so young
flowers bloom and wither in the sun
laying tangled in vines with everyone
sweating music and liquor from our pores
i want to drown in you, i want more
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14. |
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live like a cactus on my windowsill
barely a live, but beautiful still
overwatered, overgrown,
pot too small to call my home
*
i can hardly help myself
cuz i don't know the way
there's nothing i can say
*
live like an animal set loose from its cage
nothing to do with all my lust and my rage
feeling hungry, feeling scared
now that i have freedom i am underprepared
live like a bouquet in a makeshift vase
bringing color to a dismal space
on a stool, no sunlight
someday soon i'll wither and die
how can i love someone who's never here?
i can't hold you if you're never near
do I really love you or just the idea?
nothing is clear
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15. |
You/I
03:29
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i can see the stomach churning signal flares
i can see the fire brning holes in your hair
i can feel the foundation shaking loose
i can hear your guitar wailing the blues
i can tend your garden, i can toil all day long
i can play you chopin, you can hum along
i can tell you nightmares nobody knows
i will wear magnolias and all my linen clothes
you live in my past with all my shiny things
trophies of my dying power and dragon wings
drown me in a river where the weeping willows grow
i am the afterimage of this lovely ghost
i am haunted by your absence
but i don't know who you are
and the haze around your memory
balloons like a dying star
and the last thing that i wanted was our language to die
who are you?
who am i?
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16. |
Crows for Ravens
04:42
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when you bit into the morning and tasted blood
you smiled in spite of your anger, you were never one to hold a grudge
you drove us up to texoma, we stood by the lake
the sky was bright and overcast, like the sun just couldn't escape
*
I'm still asking you questions with answers i don't understand
but i'll follow you into the darkness
i will hold your hand
*
i called out to my mothers for wisdom and truth
for when your gaze fell upon me, nothing could save me from you
your eyes were bright like the summer, you knew i wasn't strong
i mistook crows for ravens, and i wrote you a love song
maybe the time wasn't right
maybe the words didn't rhyme
maybe i just want to hear your voice
ringing out in the night
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17. |
Pretty Boy from Howth
04:19
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dance with me on clifftops where the lichens grow all sharp
dive into the ocean keep me warm with your heart
so pretty
carry me to beshoff's i'm so hungry i could cry
feed me on a park bench i'm so happy i could die
with you
lead me to your chest again i want to hear your heart beat
paint me with your finest oils, carve me into linoleum sheets
so pretty
just one single morning i'd like nothing to go wrong
i'd just like to lay in bed all day long
with you
you'd asked me if i'd still love you if your body were more like mine
i don't think i said the right words at the time
now we're in different countries drunk off different county's wines
now i don't think i'll get the chance to make our love, loving rhyme
with you
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18. |
Iron Deficiency Song
04:02
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needles in a haystack
kudzu in the mud
i eat lotuses and sleep all day
you open my neck and fill your cup with blood
dream of hecate
and your rising from the dead
speak with spirits
and they warn me of your bed
*
i am going to byzantium
i am practicing my lines
heed me not when i cry for help
i only speak in lies
*
when i awaken you've drawn me
impossibly near
you whisper something soft and secret
with your lips pressed to my ear
your breath smells like iron
but i like it that way
when you kiss me
i can't help but disobey
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19. |
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work all day
wipe the sweat away
head down to the river on my break
it's running cold today
dive right in
feel the acupuncture needles piercing my skin
see you in the distance
you float towards me, eyes closed, no resistance
*
i wanna be all that you wanted
i wanna sleep in your vegetable garden
i want to fall in love with you
there in the light of the harvest moon
*
you were naked, i was holding my breath
dew resting on the hair upon your chest
you open your eyes
and watch me die
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20. |
Lucky
02:28
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get in my car every single day
drive twenty miles east
playing the numbers for as long as I can
i could stand to lose a limb at least
make all my bets with the shadiest men
put it on the horse i know will lose
but a random police raid rolls on by
picks up the whole damn crew
take all my meats medium rare
drink a little to much alcohol
i can count all my enemies on a single hand
guess you can't win 'em all
waiting for lightning to strike me down
stand in the eye of a storm
well some of us are born lucky
others are lucky to be born
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21. |
When the Cicadas Stop
02:28
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impossibly beautiful
the sunsets in summer
cicadas in texas really know how to sing
i let them serenade me
all through my daydreams
time moves like fire eating away a string
i dream of sickness
somewhere in kansas
maybe you'll visit me if you think i'm going to die
i'm selfish, i'm ugly
i don't deserve anybody
maybe it's not too late to learn how to fly
and i want to hate you
but i want something from you
won't you hurt me one more time
and walk right out of the room?
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22. |
Ginkgo Trees and Guitars
04:00
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you told me a story once about an old boyfriend who left me for someone else. they were still together many years later. they did what you do, and they went and bought a house. you went to the housewarming and bought them a ginkgo tree. they didn't know about it being male or anything about botany, that the trees roots would grow uncontrollably, or that it'd smell like vomit when it flowers.
i don't know why you told me that. it always makes me sad. because when you say them again, you asked them where it went. they didn't remember who it was from, and when it damaged the foundation they plucked it out.
you told me a story once about an old boyfriend who used to play the guitar. decades later you saw him again. he's got a wife, three kids, a nice house, and a new car. he'd given up his master's degree in performance for a cushy job as a corporate accountant. worst of all when you asked him how his music went, he said he didn't play anymore.
and dumbfounded, his wife said he didn't even own an instrument, that she'd never seen him play or knew the life he once lived, when all he had was his fingernails and his calluses.
this one's for you and for my doubt.
you wanted me to be happy
but i want you alive
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23. |
Parker County Blues
02:22
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get into my car, let's go look at shiny stars
i know a place far out from fort worth
where the city lights don't shine
we can park off the side of the road
no one will know where we are
we can lie in the back of the truck bed and reach for the sky
let's learn how to sing
and wear each other's cothing
let's just run away, find a new place to grow
you had a secret garden where no one could see us dancing
i want to be where the lightning strikes,
i want to be wherever you go
darkness comes to parker county
i hope you don't fall asleep without me
breathe easy without a car
my fingers tangled in your hair
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24. |
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little black hands, tail striped gray and white
excessive mascara and smoky eye
me and the girls are going out today
if anyone even thinks to look at me, there will be hell to pay
climb into your garbage bin
under a purple sky
waiting for the sun to die
i'm just taking what you don't need
i'm just trying to find something good to eat
but you always come out swinging, like your life really depends on it
but i dance like daisies, fluttering on the wind
you think you've scared me
but i sneak and hide
waiting for the sun to die
lo the houselights all go out
just like they always do
go to sleep triumphant, believing you've won
but the spirits remember
that i have bested you
let all the hidden creatures
be fruitful and multiply
waiting for the sun to die
|
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25. |
For the Folks I Love
02:35
|
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i'd like to have some hate inside my heart
i'd like to have some hate inside my heart
as it turns out, i love you even in my doubt
i'd like to have some hate inside my heart
I'd like to tell you it'll be okay
I'd like to tell you it'll be okay
but there's no way of knowing where the ambulance is going
I'd like to tell you it'll be okay
i'd like to be there for you when you need
i'd like to be there for you when you need
as for now i simply don't know how
i'd like to be there for you when you need
i'm writing you a song for all my hope
i'm writing you a song for all my hope
i'm writing you to tell you that i love you through and through
i'm writing you a song for all my hope
|
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26. |
Set Accomplishable Goals
02:44
|
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it's only monday but i'm having a bad week
that's the plan at least
it's actionable
it's affordable
it's an accomplishable feat
that's the plan at least
stay in bed for as long as i can
give into my body's demands
it's reasonable
it's responsible
it's reprehensible to ignore
just don't think to walk out the door
i'm alone in this apartment
with the ghost of the past
it whispers in my ear
don't let me hold you back
|
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27. |
False Memory 3
02:39
|
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I was barreling into you with no regard
we skinned our knees under shady trees in a stranger's yard
i loved seeing you in your summer clothes
no one looks quite as lovely in a sundress, hair a mess, don't you know
pick strange fruit from a stranger's tree
i am now a thief, i'm tainted, and you don't have to waste your time loving me
When the light fades, the head doesn't go away
ants wage their endless war, no quarter, until no soldiers remain
point your flashlight at the moon
you wonder if your beam will make it there, if they can see the glare, are they looking back at you
|
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28. |
Malakoff
04:44
|
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your flight path took you over the piney woods
their needles kicked up in your stream
your shadow casting over malakoff
your wing span was ten miles long
you wonder if there's a place like texas
except where everyone is safe
where hatred is snuffed out by kindness
where cupid's stupid arrows will never miss
waking the neighbors with your landing
i slept straight through the noise
you open the front door to our ranch style house
and slip, like a ghost, into your blouse
and crawling into bed at sunrise
wrapping your arms around me
falling asleep if only for now
and hoping there is nothing that i want to talk about
your shadow casting over malakoff
and your wing span was ten miles long
|
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29. |
Loose Ends
03:25
|
|||
tying up the loose ends
before they hurt me
changing the locks again
before they hurt me
i have no anger anymore
no more feeling of closeness
it's all gone
i'm all used up, i'm broken
it's all gone
I have no anger anymore
|
||||
30. |
||||
i want to lasso the moon and pull it from the sky
i want all things to die in its crashing
i want the world to be clear and destroy all things dear
and just end this year and its thrashing
*
I want to put on my sun hat and garden
I want all of my sins to be pardoned
i want to fall in love
i want more words to rhyme with blood
*
I want to burn all the trees and to dry up the seas
I want peace to be taken hostage
I want to blot out the sun i want all that was won to be lost
i want you all exhausted
I want to bury my toes in the dirt
everything's pretty and everything hurts
you should stop being lovely all the time
and rip these wings from my spine
|
Levees Chicago, Illinois
Levees is songs for agoraphobic vampires (they/he)
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